


Letters to Midnight

by User31817



Category: DEAN (Korean Musician)
Genre: Adulting sucks, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Cats, Dean - Freeform, Deantrbl, F/M, Fluff, Humor if you look hard enough, Kwon Hyuk - Freeform, Letters to Midnight, kpop, so heres dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2019-08-29 18:01:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16748968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/User31817/pseuds/User31817
Summary: A Kwon Hyuk AKA Dean story where he lives next to you in an apartment and he's working on a song that can't seem to get out of your head, so you slip him a letter underneath his door one night.  Note: All songs or works mentioned are not mine and all credit goes to the respected artist(s)





	1. Night One: Half Moon

Sliding my key into the lock was sort of a struggle considering I just pulled a double at work today, but a girl has to get that money some how. As I finally successfully open my apartment door, dropping my bag onto the ground the same exact time I slam the door closed trudging my feet along my floor, heading straight to my bedroom, kicking my shoes off as I fall face first into my bed. I need to shower. But I also really want to sleep. Maybe I can just lay here for five minutes and then shower. As I ponder which one I should do, I hear the most gorgeous voice that sounds so familiar yet so foreign.

"Love, love the stars. Love, love the moon."

Ah yes, my next door neighbor, sadly that is all i know him as (since I never actually seen or met him, we are both night owls who prefer to stay inside all night and sleep during the day) A beautiful voice that sings into the night. I know this since i usually work nigh shifts about twice every week, so I usually stay up nights and sleep days, like him. I think he produces or something or maybe its a hobby of his, to whichever it may be I am not complaining, he sometimes works on the same song for weeks, sometimes he switches songs messing around, well I hope he is messing around. I once overheard him singing a song about pizza and peanut butter. I think he was drunk?? The song continues-

"Nothing has really changed, It's still the same air, with the same bed looking at the same ceiling. Why do i feel so empty, for no reason at all? its been a few hours since I started spacing out."

That's the thing about my neighbor, he has such a beautiful voice for such sad thoughts, it's a love hate relationship I have with his voice, I want to listen to it for hours but the meaning behind the lyrics is what makes me want to close my ears forever, I mean its not possible but gosh I sure wish I could. I am easily influenced by music so whenever hes spitting out these sad songs I feel like I am living them. That's just the kind of voice he has, you can't help but get lost in his songs. Normally I stay up and listen to him sing, spacing out in my own thoughts just like his song says. Most likely agreeing to how my life has not changed very much, how all I do is work and come straight home, how I would constantly tell myself this is what I am supposed to be doing. Getting money so I can come home to an apartment that barely gets used considering how I am usually at work, or sleeping. How empty it feels staring at the ceiling... or the wall... or sometimes if i'm really feeling lonely, outside the window next to my bed into the stars. Telling myself "This is how growing up is supposed to be. I'm happy where I am right now. How this feeling of emptiness will soon go away and i will feel full of contentment soon. I am happy... Right?" But tonight, tonight I lay there with my eyes closed listening to my neighbors captivating voice, slowly drifting me into a much needed sleep. The last thing i hear is- 

"And that half moon up there just looks like me right now."

Then, sleep.


	2. Night Eight: Instagram

Its been a few days, probably a week since that night I overheard my neighbor singing the beautiful song. Nothing much has happened except me working on getting my sleeping schedule back to where I sleep during the day and get lit during the night. By lit I mean playing with my cat Bean. Sometimes if we are feeling extra wild we bring out that cat nip. (It gets pretty crazy.) Tonight I don't work, so I am laying sprawled out on my bed looking up at the ceiling patiently waiting for my neighbor to get his groove on and start working. He usually starts around 4am or 4:30am. and its about 4:20am (AYY bring the cat nip out) I wait a few more minutes.... 4:55am. He's late. Wow, what an exciting life to be living am i right, I know my neighbors schedule. That's actually kind of creepy now that i am thinking about it, well i mean its not THAT cre- my thought process is cut short by the sound of a rolling chair being rolled across the room next door. Finally. 

He starts. He has been working on this instrumental for a while now, its one he keeps coming back to no matter how many songs he starts and finishes. He never seems happy with the outcome of this one each and every time. But he is slowly progressing with it. I can probably play you back all that he has so far if I knew how to play the instruments and keyboards or whatever he used to make that song. That is how many times I've heard it. But im not complaining, it's oddly sounds cheerful for him considering all he plays is songs about heartbreak, so im actually very intrigued to what this song is about. Im guessing its pretty important to him if he has spent THIS long working on it.

I close my eyes expecting another night of frustrated back tracking of the keyboard and sighs escaping my neighbors mouth instead of him singing tonight. It starts off with the same familiar notes but then he starts singing.

"I know tomorrow is coming-"

Whoa. Words. Gosh Y/N of course it's words that's kind of how we communicate and sing a lot of songs. I quickly shut my thoughts up and eagerly listen for whats next to come.

"But I can't let go of my phone. Sleep just isn't coming to me, yeah."

Kuh, yeah I could have told you that. On some of the days I work double I leave my apartment during the day and he is still up doing god knows what. Still I continue listening.

"So I'm on Instagram, Instagram again."

I still lay with my eyes closed taking in his voice.

"So many bad asses here-" He cuts himself off with frustrated growl "No definitely not." he chuckles to himself. I chuckle along with him knowing that language does not suit this song or his style hes going for tonight. A pregnant pause comes from his side then he does something he has never done in the whole 3 years we have been living in this apartment complex. Made contact with me.

"Hey don't laugh at my struggles. You got something better?"

I immediately tense up, if it wasn't for the clear shy-ish humor in his voice I would have definitely ignored him and pretended I was laughing at something else. But just like his singing voice, his normal everyday voice was so inviting. So I, of course, answered back. 

"Uhhh, in this economy... maybe 'hotshots?'." I say a little hesitant. 

He chuckles, clearly catching onto me TRYING to be funny. 

"Alright, I'll give it a try."

"So many hotshots here, some are on vacation, I didn't press like, cuz it feels like Im the only one like this. Inside Instagram, Instagram."

"Yeah... I actually kind of like that." He chuckles to me.. or to himself im not actually so sure. He has a habit of talking to himself a lot. I guess he doesn't realize I can hear him so crystal clear.

He plays what he has so far over again, a few more times for him to listen to and make any minor adjustments to his liking. Me being me relaxes back into my bed after the first few times he plays back the song. 

"So... do I have an audience tonight or am I just talking by myself because you fell asleep and I just sound like an idiot?" he questions after stopping the song once more

Oh god what do i say to this "Uh yeah you have an audience pretty much every night because I like your voice, I even sometimes stay up just to hear one song" like that wouldn't sound weird at all, even though that is what I do. I need to say something before he actually thinks I am asleep-

"uh no- I mean yeah Im asleep- no i mean Im not awake- oh my gosh I mean Im up!" I say in a rushed manner. God im so embarrassing I can't even see him, and I don't even know him and im nervous. He chuckles in response and mumbles something I can't hear. Im not sure if i should tell him i couldn't hear him or... before i can decide he clears his throat and says-

" Hello 'Im up' my name is Hyuk, nice to finally sort of meet you after 3 years."

I softly face palm and groan (followed by a chuckle) loud enough for him to hear how displeased I am of his joke.

"Ha Ha very funny." I say back with as little emotion I can until I give a short laugh at the end of saying it. Now shifting to my side so i can face his side of the wall

He also gives a little giggle then continues to say " No but seriously, can I get a name, without one it kind of feels like im having a conversation with a wall?" he says in a mischievous tone. 

"Woooooww, Two in the span of 5 minutes, I don't think you deserve to get a name now." I say with amusement in my voice.

At this he gives out a hearty laugh followed by a little choking noise.

"Whoa are you okay? You need some water there Mr. Hyuk." I say in a fit of giggles, half serious and half in good fun.

"Nah im ok." He assures me, both of us calming down at this point 

It's quiet for a few seconds, but not so much an uncomfortable silence.

"Thank you." He suddenly speaks out

"For what?" I asked genuinely confused

"Sometimes I get to immersed in my songs and it feels like im living in a whole different world, away from everybody. And then you come and break me out of it." he says in a serious tone.

"Oh... what do you mean I 'Break you out of it'?" once again I ask him confused.

He stays quiet for a moment, as if he is struggling to come up with something "Umm, that's a story for another time." He nervously replies back. Before I can conclude he is finished talking he adds more. "Its just these walls are thin and you say some funny things to a someone or something named Bean."

 

This time im the one who gives out a hearty laugh 

"Oh my gosh that's really embarrassing, I can explain i promise." I giggle out 

He giggles but waits for me to continue to give him an explanation.

"Oh you actually want one, okay." I say with a nervous laugh, "Bean is my cat, shes pretty cool to talk to if you ever happen to meet her, but I doubt that since she freaks out the second I open my door and she is sitting to close to it." I explain.

"Ah finally a species to the famous 'Bean', well thank you for that inform-" he gets cut off by a phone ringing on his side of the wall, " Ah, hold on a moment." he tells me.

"Hello?.." he answers

At this point i decide to give the man some privacy and head to feed Bean. After doing so i sit on the edge of my bed facing the wall, waiting since it is quiet on his side of the wall, the silence telling me he is finished with his call.

"Uh, it was really nice finally talking to you tonight, considering we've never spoken a word to each other in 3 years." he chuckles out to me "But i actually have to leave to do a few things tonight." he voices to me

"Oh, okay, don't let me stop you. It was really nice wasn't it?" I say as cheerful as I can, the exact opposite to what im actually feeling.

This time when he speaks he sounds a tad bit closer to the wall.

"Uh hopefully we have another night like this soon. And maybe next time I'll get your name, but until then goodnight 'Im up'." he confesses making us once again start to chuckle lightly

"Goodnight Hyuk." I say with a smile on my face

I listen to his slow footsteps walking away as if he's hesitant to leave. Followed by the soft thud of his door opening and closing. Keys jangling in the door all the way up until he puts them away. I lay back getting comfortable in bed listening to his footsteps getting quieter and quieter the more he walks farther from his room and closer to the elevators. As I hear the ding of the elevator opening Bean hops up onto her pillow next to my head that is now officially hers since she kept stealing it from me. Curling up in a small ball, her purring covering up the sound of the elevator closing and going down.

"Good night Beanie baby." I yawn, the smile i fall asleep with going unnoticed as the exhaustion from today sets in lulling me to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment any and all feedback if you got time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean will appear in the next chapter i promise lil homies

The next night, that song Hyuk was singing was stuck in my head ALL. NIGHT. I just kept humming it over and over. All through out closing and the drive home that was all that kept flowing through my mind. 

By the time I am at my apartment I can already hear Hyuk working on the song he was working on last night. I head into the kitchen to warm up some pizza I had in the fridge from a few nights ago, hoping I won't die from it, I mean come on its not that bad, I mean I had to eat high school food for four years at one point of my life. I shrug off my little worried thoughts and head into my room to change my clothes, simultaneously listening to Hyuk singing.

"As time goes by it gets harder, am i the only one? Don't wanna go clubbing, Don't wanna watch a movie, what else is there to do? I just end up in my neighborhood. There's a hole in my heart, nothing can fill it up, yeah. Im sinking right now, inside a square ocean."

The microwave beeps loudly making me cringe as it goes off, considering its about 3:30 am. I rush over to shut the noise off hitting my toe on the kitchen island in the process. Hissing at the impact I reach up for the microwave above my stove opening it as I bring my hurt foot up and somewhat awkwardly crouching down and hopping while inspecting it with the other free hand. Other than feeling like my toe has been on blown off in a nuclear attack its perfectly fine.

All while my outer turmoil was going on I noticed it got quiet in Hyuk's apartment.

"Are you okay, should I call the police, FBI or something?" Hyuk chuckles out sounding quite muffled since I was all the way in the kitchen/living room.

"Are you talking to me? Because if you are you Im good, Im more of a suffer in silence type." I laugh while getting my plate of pizza out of the microwave.

"....Did you just quote Bella from Twilight?" Hyuk asks with a little shock/ disappointment in his voice

"Hey now don't talk to me in that tone of voice Mr. Hyuk, considering you immediately knew where that was from, you shouldn't be trying to shame me." I say in a jokingly stern tone 

"Touché." Hyuk replies back. A somewhat awkward pause bounces between us 

"Is that a new song you're working on tonight or...?" I ask a little hesitant, me knowing it wasn't. But I just wanted to keep the conversation going some how, walking back to my room to hear him a little more clearly, and so I won't be shouting at 3am almost 4.

"Yeah, well not really, its the one I was working on last night." he informs me

"Ah, okay. Did you get any farther?" I ask

"Yes actually, just a little. Do you want to hear it?" he asks with a little excitement evident in his voice

"For sure!" I say with just as much enthusiasm, because I can clearly hear a smile in his voice and let me tell you it was contagious.

"Alright, let me start it from the beginning. I'll lower the instrumentals so you can hear the lyrics, you have to listen to the lyrics." he says with the same excitement 

I don't say anything, I just wait for him to begin it, eating my pizza while doing so.

 

"I know tomorrow is coming

But I can’t let go of my phone  
Sleep just isn’t coming to me, yeah  
So I’m on Instagram, Instagram again

So many hotshots here  
Some are on vacation  
I didn’t press like  
Cuz it feels like I’m the only one like this  
Inside Instagram, Instagram

It’s a problem  
In the whole world  
It’s the same love song  
But it doesn’t touch me  
In my night  
There are too many thoughts

It’s complicated  
Changing it up so often  
I don’t wanna do this  
This damn information age  
There is definitely a problem  
These days, knowing more  
Makes you more miserable"

At this point i stop chewing on my pizza and just stare at the Hyuks side of the wall, just listening

"As time goes by

It gets harder  
Am I the only one?

Don’t wanna go clubbing  
Don’t wanna watch a movie, what else is there to do?  
I just end up in my neighborhood

There’s a hole in my heart  
Nothing can fill it up, yeah  
I’m sinking right now  
Inside a square ocean." 

The music cuts off there, Im still staring at the wall listening, with the pizza still in hand. I understand this so very much, I feel like he got into my head and deciphered my feelings and thoughts 

"...So what do you think." he interrupts my angsty teen feelings.

" Um... its eye opening, relatable. Maybe a little too relatable." I chuckle out but not so much a good chuckle

"That's kind of what im going for." he confidently tells me. He continues " I want to compose an album that's really 'me'. People who are in their 20's and 30's are not really different from me. If I speak truthfully people can empathize and relate with me."

"Do you do this a lot? Like I mean you sound too invested for this to just be a little hobby?" I ask a little more than curious. I mean I've been wondering this for 3 years.

"Umm..." He sounds a little hesitant at answering my question

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I respect your privacy." I quickly interrupt before he can say anything else

"No its okay, I've lived next to you long enough to know the most harm you can do is stub your toe on something." he teases 

I shake my head silently laughing, waiting for him to continue talking

"Im a singer/ producer." he explains

"Oh my god please tell me you are not from Soundcloud." I say in a some what joking manner

At this he laughs and denies it

"No, im a solo artist, I go by the name Dean." he laughs out

"Oohh what should i call you then? Dean...Hyuk...Oh! what about both, like Dyuk...Duck." I say in a teasing voice

"Oh my god you're annoying." he laughs out at me. "You know you still never told me your name." he stated

" It's Y/N." I finally reveal

"Well its nice to finally know your name Y/N."

"Thanks duck." I say in response, it gets quiet after that.

"Hey Duck?" I ask

"Yeah?" he responds back

"Do you want to go grocery shopping with me?" I ask

"What? Right now?" he chuckles in disbelief

"Yeah i mean why not, i need food and the store is open 24/7, and we both stay up doing pretty much nothing so why not?" I try to pursue him

He takes a moment to think about it

"I cant believe im about to agree." he speaks out 

"Yay! come on lets get it." I say jumping up off my bed

I hear him moving about in his room, probably getting ready "Grocery shopping at 5am with someone I sorta officially met 2 days ago..... Am I crazy?" he asks

With a smile in my voice I respond with "Actually its 4:30 and...Yeah.... Maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyyyy another chapter! Also thanks to that one person who gave me a kudos, I know I literally posted twice but i was getting discouraged since this is actually my very first fic and idk it made me hella happy yo, you the real MVP if i ever win the lottery imma give you half cause you my cinnamon apple. 
> 
> Also in the next chapter Dean will actually appear I promise. 
> 
> Stream Dayfly.


	4. Night Nine: In July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An insight on Ducks passion about music and cheese balls.
> 
>  
> 
> The clothes he is wearing is the set in "In July" music video featuring Heize. The blue Hawaiian shirt

Having been dressed already I pick up the plate I was using to eat my pizzas on and make my way to the kitchen, dropping it off in the sink. That's a problem for another day am I right. I head to the front door, taking my purse off the hook, and wrapping the long strap around my body. Bending down to put on my pretty beaten up yellow Converse. As I open my door, I hear shuffling next door from Hyuks apartment, by his front door. Assuming he's putting his shoes on, I step outside and start locking my door up. 

I hear his front door open and close. Look im not going to lie to you, Im very nervous, so Im still looking at my key that's still in the door, from my peripheral vision I can see his shoes and pants. His pants are a looser fit on him, dark and folded up at his ankles, his shoes.... well I honestly don't know what they are, its as if dress shoes met A gothic shoe designer, but not in a bad way. I pull out my key knowing that if I leave it in the door any longer it will very quickly get weird. As I turn to finally face my neighbor I slip my keys in my back pocket, Lifting my head up. What I immediately take in his shirt(s), he's wearing a light grey t-shirt under a long sleeve light blue Hawaiian shirt, but the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and underneath THAT shirt a little sliver of another long sleeve shirt except its black instead of it being Hawaiian. I trail my eyes up to his face. His hair is dark, almost black, is swept out of his face, showing his forehead, he is wearing small hooped silver earrings. Now im not going to describe his face because frankly, I don't think I can describe perfection. But his face fits his voice. Which is not fair, to be able to have a voice like that you at least have to be below average in looks in my opinion, someone cannot be THAT perfect. Some people stay winning, and Hyuk is one of those people. I bet he even know how to cook.

As I finish taking him in, I nervously smile at him, finally making eye contact.

"Hey." Hyuk quietly greets

"Hi." I greet back. After saying this we both slowly start smiling. Hyuk looks down while putting his hands in his front pockets. I adjust the strap on my purse. Both of us still smiling.

"You ready?" I question, nervously digging the toe of my Converse into the carpet

I look up, already starting to back away in the direction of the elevators not waiting for his answer. He doesn't answer me but follows me instead.

It's quiet until we make it in the elevator.

"So Duck, to save this from being awkwardly quiet, tell me about yourself."

He sighs and responds with "You're going to keep calling me Duck aren't you?" chuckling at the end 

I smile and look at him, "Yup!" I say bouncing on the balls of my feet

He looks over at me making eye contact smiling while shaking his head "Well what do you want to know?" he questions back

"How am I supposed to know what to ask you if I just met you Duck?" I laugh out.

He turns to look at me "Well my name is Kwon Hyuk, I am a singer, song writer and producer who goes by the name Dean, and I am 25 years old." he reveals to me, also bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands still in his pocket

"How did you get the name Dean?" I ask, the elevators stopping on the ground floor where our cars are parked. 

"Well I actually got the name from the actor James Dean." We continue walking towards my car 

"Elaborate please." I ask a little confused

"Well, James Dean has always had that rebellious character, which relates to my music, like I wanted to make music that was different, BE different." We arrive at my car, unlocking it and settle down inside of it. After starting the car I hand him the AUX cord. He quickly puts his seat belt on and grabs the cord from my hand

"Put something of yours on." I request

"No, lets play a game." He responds a smile in is voice

"Alright Duck, what game are we going to play?" I ask with a challenging tone in my voice

"I'll play a few songs and one of those songs will be mine. You have to guess which one is mine." He explains

"Im telling you right now, I'll ace this game." I respond with a little excitement evident in my voice

"Really, what makes you say that?" he asks in a playful tone

"I've literally heard you sing almost every night for the past 3 years." I laugh out

He laughs along with me scrolling through his phone. At this point we are already on the main road driving towards the grocery store. Then the sound of a piano accompanied with a beautiful voice comes on 

"It's a beautiful life, I'll be on your side-"

"Oh! I know, I know!" I say smacking one of my hands on the steering wheel while softly rocking back and forth from excitement  
"It's 'Beautiful' By Crush!" I say stilling my movements, turning to look at him for a quick second, then looking back at the road

He's smiling looking at me "Yeah, how did you know?" he giggles out

"Are you kidding me, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who has lived a great life has seen 'Goblin'." I say a little disbelief showing 

"Yeah I guess." He laughs out "Okay, Here's another one." 

This time before a beat start a voice begins this song

"We are, we are, we ar-" 

Before the song can continue I immediately start singing along with it "WE ARTIST BABY ZICO, I HAVE A GOOD FEELING-" and before I know it the car crashes and we die. Just kidding. No but for real, before I know it Hyuk and I are singing, well more like yelling the lyrics to 'Artist' by Zico 

"JUST THOUGHT OF AN IDEA, I LIVE MY WEEKENDS LIKE ITS THE WEEKDAYS." I pull up to a red light and look at Hyuk, still singing. We both make eye contact and continue singing, this time adding a little dance. 

The light turns green so I continue driving. Both of us calming down but still giggling while he chooses another song. A woman starts out this song 

"Did someone put drugs in it? Yeah" after the woman's part a male chimes in " I said it's true" then the woman again "In your normal voice-" she continues

I turn to look at Hyuk, confusion written on my face. But that soon turns to a smile "Duck....is this you?" I ask playfully

He looks at me with a little shyness on his face. He just smiles and shrugs his shoulders. We both sit quietly, me driving and him looking out the window. We sit until he suddenly starts singing along with the song whenever the male chimes in again 

"A night hotter than the July sun  
I like all weekends, It'll probably cool down  
but today it'll be different,

all the emotions I pushed back  
I'll tell you today,  
I hope we'll be okay ."

He stops singing and I immediately look over at him, with the biggest smile on my face

"Oh Duck! ooohhh." I tease him, taking my right hand and lightly pushing his shoulder

He looks down at his lap a little embarrassed from my teasing. He laughs out loud, and once again that choking sound follows after it. It's cute.

For the rest of the song we sit quietly and listen. After it ends he explains to me that the song was called 'In July' featuring Heize

"I liked it, It sounded very summery, like I'd totally listen to this with my friends and have one of those cool friendship montage videos that makes everyone jealous.Well you know, if i had friends. Also you have a beautiful voice" 

"That's oddly specific, and it's not that great" he laughs out

"That's cause it was, And are you kidding me Duck, a voice like yours could wake someone from the dead from how beautiful it is." We both laugh 

 

I pull into the parking lot of the grocery store. The car is pretty close to the doors considering it about 4:55am and the parking lot is empty. We both unbuckle our seat belts and get out of my car. Walking into the store together. 

He immediately grabs a shopping cart and I walk beside him. I lightly put my hand on the cart, steering him towards the frozen food section. 

"I see we have something in common." he chuckles after realizing where we are headed\

"What do you mean?" I ask

He nods towards the refrigerators "We both can't cook." he states

"Wow, okay listen, it's not that i CAN"T cook, it's just i choose not to." I defend myself 

"Okay you CHOOSE not to... whatever." He teases me

"Hey hey hey, yes I CHOOSE not to. I choose not to because... because-"

He starts laughing once he realizes I've run out of excuses, lightly nudging his shoulder into my own 

"You also said you don't have a great voice and that was a total lie, so I bet 100% you can cook." I argue back

"I'll let you believe whatever you want Y/N." he laughs

 

We get everything I need to get, now at this point we are just walking around the aisles. We stroll into the chip section and Hyuk immediately reaches to grab a huge tub of cheese balls, holding it close to his chest like its the most precious thing in the world. I look at him with a curious gaze 

"I cannot have my friend walk out of here without a tub of cheese balls. Not if I can help it." he explains 

At this I cringe a little. Damn first day friendzoned.

"What? You don't like cheese balls?" he asks mind boggled and a little offended

"Nah its not the cheese balls part." I state

He looks at me with a face that says "what the hell are you talking about?"

"Look I know I don't have a lot of friends and I should be happy about this, but friendzoned on the first day. Really?" I say in a overly exaggerated tone

He laughs out at this "Y/N, you were friendzoned the minute you quoted Twilight."

"You're never going to drop that are you?" I ask him

"Nope, unless you drop the Duck thing." He teases back

"Well then I guess this is war Duck." I respond both of us holding eye contact trying to size up one another.

We bust out laughing loud, leaning on each other for a few seconds until we calm down. Then we head towards the front of the store to get checked out. Now lemme tell you, the groceries aren't the only thing we were checking out.


	5. Night Nine Pt.2: In July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homies,I must have been on drugs or something because I re-read my chapters and omg the mistakes bro. I apologize because I know I could do better.

By the time Hyuk and I made it back to the apartment, a quarter of the cheese balls were already gone. Not that Im complaining, In the car ride back Hyuk and I were try to sing with a mouth full off cheese balls, that was something I didn't think I needed. Actually scratch that, he almost died because he was laughing so hard, Id rather avoid a lawsuit. 

When we got out of the car grabbing our (my) groceries Hyuk still had the tub of cheese balls to his chest. 

"You act like that's a child." I say laughing. Both of us walking towards the elevator

"And you act like its NOT a child." He replies 

"No I think you're the actual child here Duck." I tease

Hyuk was just about to reply when he trips over the lip of the sidewalk just before the elevator. He could have had a short easy clean trip, if only it wasn't for the damn cheese balls. He falls for like a solid 15 seconds trying to save the cheese balls from falling on the floor. Im not going to lie it didn't touch the floor ONCE so I was pretty impressed.

"You're kidding right?" I ask dumbstrucked "You literally almost sacrificed yourself for cheese balls." Watching him on the floor looking up at me

Hyuk is still on the floor on his knees and hands getting up, a tight hold on the tub with his left hand and his right hand supporting his body from touching the floor 

"You gotta have priorities Y/N." He tells me with the most serious face Id seen him make this whole night

At this I bring my hand up to pinch the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes and just taking a second.

"You're something else Duck." I say opening my eyes and holding out the same hand I had to my face to help him up

He takes my hand with a smile that says "Im ready to risk it all for these cheese balls don't test me." 

 

We make it back to our assigned apartments and stand outside the doors. I unlock my door, looking back up at Hyuk. He's already looking at me. "Do you want to come in?" I ask "I mean I was just going to put away my groceries and probably watch something on Netflix?" I continue. Hyuk looks at me with an eyebrow raised a little too dramatically, with a smirk that made me smile along with him "Gross Duck come on." I whine while laughing He laughs and nods his head. "I mean you DID say you didn't want to get friendzoned..." he adds jokingly "Yeah you right, but I also want to eat some damn cheese balls and watch Breaking Bad, not 'Netflix and chill'..." I also tease back He chokes out a laugh "Okay, let me get dressed into something a little more appropriate for this 'not Netflix and chill' session." "Okay, don't forget your child Duck." I chime before opening my door and stepping into my apartment He looks at me with confusion written on his face. I start closing the door, just enough to have my head showing I point at the cheese balls "Your children Duck how could you forget something so precious you risked your life for it?" I say as if its the most obvious thing in the world. He looks down and realizes what im talking about. He laughs and walks into his apartment closing his door, but not before he makes sure I see him roll his eyes at me. I put my groceries away, after I do that Hyuk is already knocking on my door. After letting him in I take in what he's wearing, just a plain dark grey shirt along with some sweatpants. He still looks good. He hands over the tub of cheese balls to me. We ended up eating more than half the tub of cheese balls and getting to season 3 of Breaking Bad before both of us passing out on the couch with the TV still on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this, I know my updates are not very good, but as of now I will be trying harder. Again any kind of feedback are welcomed and appreciated!*


	6. Chapter 6: Bonnie and Clyde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY, MY WIFI GOT CUT OUT FOR A FEW DAYS BUT IM BACK! I also wanted to say the cat Bean is actually based off of my cat irl and shes a crackhead but shes MY crackhead and i just recently bought her a dress and its her first piece of clothing and she hated me but she looks too cute in it. Also... DID YALL SEEE DEANS TEASER FOR DAYFLY. AHHHHH. I also added a new tag.....

When the morning swung around I had woken up to Duck with his head tilted back on the back of the couch, mouth wide open, and a hand still in the tub of cheese balls. After waking him up he whined so much about me not bringing it up again... Little does he know I took about a million pictures. (Not really but I mean come on, I now have 360 view of Duck if he ever wants to act a fool... I got my secret weapon.)

He invited me to brunch after getting over his morning crisis, and what am I going to do? Say no? 

After Duck got back to his own apartment, we both had to clean up after our night of cheese ball dust getting all over our fingers. 

We both agreed to meet in our apartments garage after getting ready. And I'll have you know, I was in fact the first one down there. I guess Duck is a little fashionista...

"You literally dressed in ALL black and still took longer than me!" I exclaimed once I had Duck in my eyesight

"I'll have you know it is way harder to dress in black than in any other color." he bites back playfully

"Ha! Okay....Look my naMe Is DucK AnD i HavE TroUble fINdiNg BlaCk CloTheS." I mock 

"Okay first of all I sound way more manlier than that." he tells me along with a small roll of his eyes "And secondly, finding the right black that is the same shade as the rest is hard." he pouts. We both get into his car, buckling up, starting our drive to the diner he SWORE was the BEST in town.

"Oh my god you big baby Duck." I say lightly nudging him 

For the rest of the ride to the diner, Duck and I had a VERY intense conversation about Bruno Mars. 

 

"...And that why I think Bruno Mars is God himself." I finish saying right as we pull into "the best diner in the world" (-Duck)

Hyuk unbuckles himself and shifts to me after he's turned off the car "Okay, yes I agree, Bruno does in fact have a voice that is magnificent, but I do not think he is on God level." he declares with a shrug of his shoulders

I look at him, squinting my eyes in a playful manner. "Agree to disagree." I state, holding my hand out, waiting for him to shake it. He looks down, bringing a hand up to his chin pretending to think. "Hmmmm..." he hums. 

"Duck if you don't shake my hand to end this conversation right this instant, I swear I'll print out the picture I took of you this morning and post it on the front desk of the apartment!" I threaten

At this he looks up at me, eyes wide in disbelief, mouth open in surprise "WAIT WHAT?!" he asks

Oh no, I wasn't supposed to reveal that! ABORT MISSION! 

I unbuckle myself, shoving the car door open jump out slamming it closed and making a run for the diner door. He won't do anything to me in public.... right?

"WHAT PICTURE?" He yells after me, also opening the car door, slamming it clossed and quickly running after me.

Just as I make it to the diner door, pushing it open, I hear Hyuk behind me. I made it.

I walk into the diner, shyly turning to Hyuk while walking to a table

Sitting down I sink into my seat while Hyuk playfully glares at me, also taking a seat in front of me

"What picture Y/N?" he sternly asks a smile almost breaking through his glare

"I think we both know Mr. Duck." I say looking him right in the eyes

"I hope you know this is now war." he discloses 

"It was war the minute you disagreed Bruno wasn't superior." I say in the same tone he has 

He's just about to respond when the waitress walks up to the table 

"What can I get you two?" she asks, taking out a pen and notepad

I panic, Duck and I were too busy bickering to look at the menus on the table I look at Duck, panic showing in my eyes. He looks at me smiling. He turns to the waitress  
"We'll share the house pancakes plate." he calmly tells her

"Okay, that'll be right out, any drinks?" she asks once more  
"I'll take coffee." Duck responds

"Umm, I'll take water." I smile at the waitress.

she writes it down, smiles and turns to take our order to the chef.

"I hope you don't mind us sharing, the pancakes are HUGE. " Duck asks me 

"Oh no its fine. Do you come here often?" I ask wondering how he already knew what to get

"Yeah its my favorite place. Plus not a lot of restaurants are open a 24/7." He laughs out  
"Oh yeah." I laugh along with him

 

We talk a little more until our food arrives. The pancakes are huge, and I mean HUGE. Like more than a foot wide, and there are three of them. Plus eggs, bacon and hashbrown AND toast

I look at Duck, mouth hung open. He looks back with a smirk "Dig in." he smiles at me, picking up his fork.

 

We are not even half way through with our meal when I see a flash, I look up, Duck is laughing looking at his phone

"What did you do?" I ask through a mouth full of pancakes

He's still laughing, turns his phone so his screen is facing me. And right on his screen. Is me. With my mouth full of pancakes. looking like a hamster.

I swallow my food. lunging for his phone. "NOPE!" he says moving his phone out of my reach "This is for the picture you took this morning." he defends himself

I lean back crossing my arms sticking my tongue out at him. He just smiles and puts his phone in his pocket. Resuming his meal with a smile on his face

I huff out in pretend annoyance. "Fine. I'll let you keep that. But not autographs." I say, looking at my nails

Duck laughs at this and shakes his head, chewing his food. 

"ANYWAYS, lets continue our conversation." I say smiling and also getting back to the meal

Hyuk nods his head "Hmm, my dream?" he asks "Well, probably to just get my music out, the whole world, not just over here."

"So like overseas?" I ask

"If its part of making it come true, then yeah." he confesses

We continue our meal, not even coming close to finishing it.

 

While paying for the bill the waitress comments on how cute we look together

With this I respond with "Like I'd ever date him, he told me Bruno Mars wasn't on God level."  
Hyuk playfully pushes me out the door and thanks the waitress.

"Okay fine, I'll reconsider the Bruno Mars thing." he tells me getting into the car

I smile buckling my seatbelt. Putting my hand on the middle console. Hyuk starts backing out also putting his hand on the console, just enough where our hand almost touch. 

 

 

He moves his pinky finger over mine. I tighten the hold looking out the window smiling

Maybe it was the best diner in the whole world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's the weirdest/funniest debate you've had with someone?
> 
>  


	7. chapter 7: Dayfly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy yall seen Dayfly 
> 
> BRO IVE BEEN WAITING SINCE BEFORE HE PUT THE TEASER OUT LIKE ITS SO GOOD. GO STREAM IT GUYS. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?!
> 
> I also was asked to to peoples makeup for prom for the first time. That brought back memories lmao. Oh lets see if you guys catch the La La Land reference I slipped in here ^.^
> 
> ******WARNING******
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains topics mentioning mental health, If you struggle with things like this you can go ahead and skip until i give the ok ^.^
> 
> P.S I dont know why the format is like this, i tried fixing it but it all mushes to one huge paragraph I dont know why? Sorry about that guys hopefully in the next chapter it wont do it

It's been almost a month since Hyuk and I have officially met one another, to say we've gotten close is understatement. Almost everyday we hang out, whether it be at a museum, aquarium, going to a jazz restaurant/bar thing, or even just chilling at our apartments. We've also had a lot of sentimental moments, like how he told me how he wants to show more of the real him in his music, not Dean, but Kwon Hyuk instead. He's told me his fears and worries about his struggle to reveal more of himself to his fans. He's told me some of his past struggles with finding himself. *****DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY MENTAL HEALTH TALK***** I too shared my stories and struggles, like how at one point of my life, the last part of senior year of high school, and a few years after that, how i struggles with my mental health, where I lost the motivation to pretty much my life. It started off with me shrugging things off, doing reckless things, not caring about the consequences. Then it was pity. I pitied myself for not getting anything done, pitying myself for being alone, even though I was the root problem, pitied myself for feeling so sad, pitied myself for not changing. Then it was anger, angry at myself for not changing, angry at the world for everything that was wrong with it, sometimes it was anger for the things that were right in the world, anger for anything and everything.Angry at my friends for not helping me, even though I knew only I could change how I was feeling. Then it was nothing. the worst feeling of them all. Always feeling drained and empty, I could see my friends trying to help, but after a while of me being unresponsive to their efforts they gave up, but it didn't matter, it's not like I noticed when they finally started to leave one by one. Even if I did notice I didn't care, I didn't feel remorse, I didn't feel anything. Then locking myself up in my room and not talking to my family for days on end. They didn't even know anything was wrong. Everywhere I went, I just had this dead stare, never showing any kind of emotion. Not WANTING to show any emotion. I would come home and just sit in the living room and stare until it was time to go to bed. Or until I had to force myself to eat because I didn't have anything in my body for a few days. I would just eat what I had to, then go lay in bed until I would drift off into a dreamland where it was either empty or I would just forget what I had dreamed. Or at least that's what I told myself. Music didn't even effect me, went from one ear through the other. This went on for about a year. To this day its one of the worst years in my life. I don't wish that year on anybody, not even my worst enemy. Then one day It changed, I don't know how or why, but it did. I guess i was just tired of living the same day over and over, I remember being sick of what I was feeling. I remember just thinking "What the fuck" it felt like I wake up dazed and confused. Telling myself im not going to ever experience that again. I mean I was still really empty, but for some reason I had hope. From what? To this day I still don't know, but I didn't question it. Whatever it was, it saved me and that's something I can never forget. Then I felt very hopeful. Started reaching out to a friend. Found out she went though something similar. We started helping each other. Whether it be not being alone because you could feel it getting bad again, or just forcing each other to go out whenever we would notice the other staying in for too long. When we were both on somewhat stable ground, she left. Moved to New York. We still keep in contact, but not as close as we once were of course. Doesn't change how grateful we are to each other. We helped each other through one of the toughest times in our lives, you can't forget someone like that so easily. Then after about a year after she left I got Bean, and its been her and I taking over the world. It doesn't seem like much but I know my mental health is progressing. I find myself smiling at random times of the day, talking to strangers in the line at the grocery store. And now that I found Hyuk, the smiling went to laughing, I wake up everyday excited to see what dumb joke Hyuk will say to brighten my day. excited that I now don't have to drown myself in my phone to have the day pass. Excited to live another day in the sun. I still get sad like any other person, but its the kind of sadness I know won't last forever. I know its only momentarily, I know it won't drag me down again. Cause I won't let it. ******SAFE TO READ****** Today I have a day off, so I decided to drag Hyuk with me to shop for Bean. So here we are in Petsmart looking at the clothing section. "And here we have Y/N in her natural habitat, torturing her poor, unarmed cat Bean." Hyuk commentates in a REALLY bad Australian accent. "Duck Im VERY close to buying YOU a dress if you don't quit it." I inform him as I continue browsing through the cat clothes. Normally he would say something snappy back, so when I am met with silence I look back at him. He has his mouth wide open with a look of disbelief written all over his face. His hand brought up to his chest in a mock offensive gesture. "Me? Another unarmed victim?" He says back in his normal voice "Yeah, you're literally about to be unarmed if you continue Duck" I respond in a sing songy voice To this he rolls his eyes and moves next to me, starting to browse with me. Out of the corner of my eye I see him pick something out, look at it, and put it back. He turns to me. "Hey im going to go to the restroom." He waits for my response I look at him. "...Okay. I'll wait here then?" I respond, confused. Hm, he doesn't wait for me to respond, he normally takes off before he can finish his sentence. He still here, and tells me"...Okay, I'll be right back?" It sounded more like a question than a statement. He then turns and leaves. Okay that was weird. Like Hyuk's weird but it was weirder than normal. I shrug it off and continue looking at the clothes. About 15 minutes have passed by the time I notice Hyuk is still not back. At this I get concerned. Is he lost? I mean he does get distracted very easily. What if someone stopped him and is trying to convince him to switch cable plans or something, he's way to nice and shy to tell them no. I decide to get my phone out and call him before he accidentally gives out his credit card number to someone. I go to his contact and call him, it rings about two times before he picks up. "Hello?" he greets, but it sounds like he's out of breath "Hyuk where the hell are you? Are you ok?" I ask concerned "Huh, yeah im fine. And im not out of breath what are you talking about?" He confirms and denies "...Okay, but where are you?" I question "Im right here." He answers, his voice right behind me. I jump and turn around, facing him. He is in fact out of breath, sweating a little. In his left hand he has a bag from a store we had passed on our way here. We hang up our phones. "Look what I got you." He thrusts the bag in front of me. I flinch back so he doesn't accidentally wack me in the face. I cautiously take the bag. Giving him a questioning face I open it. Inside is a blob of blue. I look back at Hyuk. He's smiling so big that I can't help but smile back. "Oh gosh, what did you do?" I ask smiling. Hyuk doesn't say anything, so I pull out the material and get a better look at it. It's an Egyptian blue bomber jacket, with a nice size rainbow strip going down the side of the neck, down my shoulders, to the side of my outer wrists. When I look back up at Hyuk, he has moved behind me, to the spot where he was standing before he went to "the restroom". He reaches in to the rack of animal clothing and pulls out a small Egyptian blue cat dress, with rainbow accents on the straps, and a little rainbow on the right shoulder part of the dress. The skirt being Egyptian blue and the other top half a cornflower blue. It matches the bomber jacket Hyuk got me. My jaw drops, I look back and forth from the dress to the jacket to a smiling Hyuk a few times. I snap out of it and bend over, laughing until my stomach hurts. Hyuk stands there confused still holding the dress. "What?" He finally asks Through laughter I manage to get out "Did you seriously run like 3 blocks just to get this jacket so Bean, my CAT and I can match?!" He pauses and lets it sink in. He giggles. "I guess I did huh." He states. Also starting to laugh along with me. After calming down Hyuk guides me, cat dress still in hand, to the register to pay. After paying we start walking back to Hyuk's car. Once we start pulling out he says "I have to have my two girls looking good don't I?" he smiles at me, turning back to the road after. His girl.


	8. A kings kingdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get serious in the crackhead house. Is this the start of their downfall? Or is it just a hiccup like any normal 'relationship'

Remember when I said I would never let myself get bad again, well I've done a really good job with it, but I also said I sometimes get sad. I know I won't spiral down like how I was, but it still sucks. Hyuk has really helped me as well, I to him too. I remember sitting on his balcony one night. We had just go done eating some food my mother had sent me when I visited her. We were having one of those late night deep talks we normally have. Its out routine, sometimes I stay the night sometimes I don't. But tonight, I remember him saying things that will always stick with me. 

"Duck, aren't you scared that one day you'll make it, and it won't be as magnificent as you think?" I ask leaning back on the wall as we both sit on the ground looking up at the stars.

Hyuk sighs, also leaning back on the wall, our shoulders now touching  
"No… Because I already know what to expect. " he replies

I turn to look at him, waiting for him to continue

"Everybody wants to rule the world, they want to be a king. Because whenever they think of being a king they think of gold, diamonds, and everyone bowing down to them. They think everybody is willing to put their life on the line for them. Yeah its true, gold and diamonds, and people willing to die for you are out there. But a true king is needs to be willing to share his gold and diamonds with his people. A true king also fights on the front lines with his soldiers, to save his people. Going through what they go through. Putting his life on the line with the people putting THEIR life on the line for him. A lot of people know this as well. But what they don't know is the kings guilt. Whenever he gets back to his kingdom, makes it to his too silent room, sits down on his too comfortable bed, he starts thinking. He starts thinking about all of the people who died in the battlefield in the battle he enforced. He thinks about their family waiting for them to get back home, waiting for them to walk through the door of their house they spent their whole life building for their family. But they won't. Because of the sacrifices they've made. The sacrifices they made so the kingdom I decided to make won't crumble down on me." Duck finishes the whole time he was looking up at the stars. 

I didn't know what to say to this, so I just put my head on his shoulder 

"If you know the fate of making it then why aim so high?" I ask, about five minutes after his confession.

"Because I have a voice, I have been through things a lot of people have been through. Some are struggling and need something to let them know they are not alone. That if I made it, they can too. If I can prevent someones kingdom from caving in, why not" he informs me

We look up at the stars. 

"When you look at the stars, what do you think of." Hyuk asks me after a few moments

" I see life. Everything that was important in your life, big or small, alive or inanimate, is documented in the night sky. Some not as bright as the others, but its still there." I reply

Hyuk doesn't respond to me

After sitting out for a few more minutes we decided to go back inside. 

"What would you do if a star was added to my night sky?" Hyuk breaks the silence asking quietly

"I'd say I hope it’s a bright one." I smile at him

"It's the brightest I've seen so far." He smiles at the ground. Then looks up at me 

"I got a call from overseas." he says seriously 

"Really! Duck that’s amazing! What was it about?" I ask excitedly

"It was just a producer, he heard some of my music and was interested. Nothing set in stone, just wanted to tell you." he reveals his tone nonchalant

"Duck that’s still huge, it’s one more step closer to your dream!" I say still excited 

He looks like he wants to say something else, but instead says "Yeah.. Are you staying the night again or.."

I look at him pondering if I should prompt him to say what he was going to say. Instead I say " Yeah, let me go get clothes and feed Bean. Movie night?"

He just nods his head.

When I get back he's sitting on the couch, Netflix already pulled up. But instead of him browsing through like he normally does he's just sitting there. Just staring at the screen, lost in thought.

I swing around the couch sitting down next to him. He still doesn't snap out of it. 

I nudge his knee with my knee. " You okay Duck?" I ask concerned

He snaps out of it and looks at me. "Yeah, why? You good?" he says handing me the remote to pick a movie. He never does that, he normally forces me to watch what he wants to watch. Somethings up.

"Duck don't lie to me, somethings up, you never give me free reign of the sacred remote." I say in a jokingly manner so nothing goes bad.

"It's nothing, and I just was tired of my movies so why not watch something you like." he states.

I know he's lying. He's a really bad liar. 

I end up putting on Spiderman

Half way through the movie I realize Duck is not even paying attention to the movie, he is once again lost in thought. I finally get tired of holding it in. I grab the remote and pause the movie. He doesn’t even realize I've paused the movie cause he's still staring at it. 

"Okay, something is up, Peter said something I know you would have normally laughed at and you didn’t even crack a smile." I say

Hyuk snaps out of it, but continues looking at the screen. "It's nothing, put the movie back on." he says blankly

"Hyuk." I've never said his name, only his nickname, so at this he looks at me

"Look I clearly don't want to talk about it so just put the movie back on." He snaps

I look at him. After all of these weeks we've spent together, yeah we've argued but he's never snapped at me like that, if anything he tries to avoid conflict

"Well if you so clearly wanted to avoid the subject you wouldn't have asked or brought it up earlier." I match my tone with his

"I don’t know why you're getting so worked up over something that’s not even your business." He scoots to the edge of the sofa as if he's going to bolt any second 

"It is my business since you asked me. You're also my friend, so if I can lessen your burdens by listening then I want to listen." I ask now standing up

"How could you lessen my burdens if you're one of them?" he asks. After saying that he immediately stands up "Wait, I didn't mean it like that.." he says hurriedly, he starts reaching out to grab my hand

"What the hell does that mean?" I question, yanking my hand back before you he touch it. 

"No its just…" He tries, but after a moment of thinking he doesn't say anything 

"Wow. Thanks Hyuk." I say turning and going to the door, bending down to get my shoes

"No wait, please." he pleads 

I ignore him. Getting my shoes and storming out of his apartment, slamming my door on him before he can come into my apartment. How can he say im one of his burdens when all I've done was help him? I throw my shoes on the ground, stomping my way to the couch and flopping down on it. I listen to him and make him laugh, I didn't do anything. I pause my thinking. Maybe that’s it. Maybe im not doing enough for him. What if he thinks im just using him? What if im dead weight. 

I stay up the whole night staring at my blank tv. I hear Hyuks knocking and pleading fade away until he retreats back to his apartment. I soon hear the birds waking up. The sun painting my room a rich orange color. 

 

Oh no. here we go again.


	9. Pour it up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry, Im going to be honest with you guys, I haven't updated because I wasn't very motivated, but after receiving comments and feedback on here and other sites I got the motivation. Also did you guys hear Fanxy Child is back

After a few days of Hyuk texting, calling and persistent knocking on my door, I finally decided to answer his texts. 

Duck: If you'll just let me explain what I meant, it'll mean a lot to me Y/N 

Me: Fine. Explain then. I've done nothing but show you support and you have the audacity to tell me Im nothing but a burden. I sat for DAYS, sad and disgusted at myself, thinking I was not important. But the truth is I am NOT a burden. I am a person that deserves to be happy with myself.

Duck: Can I come over? It'll be easier to explain in person.

Me: You have five minutes. The doors already open.

After pressing send I get up off my bed and move to the couch. Turning on the T.V to make it seem like I was actually doing something. A few moments pass by when I hear a soft knock and the door open slowly. I pretend Im interested with what's on the T.V and keep staring at it. I hear shuffling and then footsteps walking up to the couch. My face still angled to the T.V, my eyes slowly look at my side whenever I feel a dip in the couch.

Hyuk's body is angled toward me but his face is looking down, hands in his lap. When he looks up my eyes quickly retreat back to whatever was on the T.V

"I promise you what I said is not what you think it means. " Hyuk starts, his voice sounding a little shaky.

I turn off the T.V, to show him Im listening. But I keep my stare straight ahead of me. Not daring to look at him. 

He continues. "The other night , when I was talking about the brightest star that showed up in my sky, I was talking about you. You've changed my life. Whenever im frozen in my head space and can't get out, you burst in and move around me until I cant help but move with you. When I called you a burden I didn't mean what you thought I did, and when you asked for an explanation, I froze up. I got scared. Scared that if I said what I REALLY meant, you'd run off."

"And what did you REALLY mean?" I ask, my voice also trembling 

"...I think... I think im starting to fall for you." he states. 

At this I finally look at him. 

"You got scared because of feelings?" I scoff. voice full of disbelief 

"No. Im scared of what will happen when I realize I don't want to leave you." he says. Voice thick, tears welting up in his eyes. But not yet falling

"What do you mean Hyuk? Just say what you mean,I can't keep playing these games. Just tell me what you mean. We're not in a damn drama Hyuk." I spit out impatiently.

"I mean that If I take up this producers offer, I have to move over overseas. Away from you." His muddy voice more prominent than ever

Oh. 

Realization sets in. 

He had to choose. His dream. 

Or me.

"You're so stupid Duck." I laugh out, tears now falling as shake my head,looking to the ground

"What?" he asks confused, tears also falling

"I said you're so stupid. You've been working on your dream your whole life. Why are you going second guess it?" I ask, voice full of disbelief

"Didn't you hear me Y/N? I said i think im in love with you." he states

Oh believe me. I heard what he said, and I wont be forgetting it any time soon. But you see, I know if I say those words back, he'll undoubtedly stay here. And I don't know what's worse. Holding back someone you love from their dream, or saying this..

"Well I don't love you."

I wanted to say how much I cared about him too. I wanted to thank him for risking everything for me, for being a friend to me when I had no one. But I couldn't form the words. My head still lowered to the ground, lips trembling, fists clenched and eyes squeezed shut. Tears pouring out.

I knew if somehow, in another lifetime if I said those words back, our love could have unfolded into something we both could not have controlled. I knew we both could have been happy. But I can't help to think he could be happier chasing his dreams. I almost said the words back.I really did.

And it scares me to think of it. But, that does not stop me from imagining. 

 

I don't get to see Hyuks face as he stands up. My eyes trained to his shoes that are standing right in front of me. As if waiting for me to say something else. But we both know I won't. 

He walks out my apartment. Tears still streaming down my face as I collapse into the couch

 

Im willing to regret you for the rest of my life if it means your happiness Hyuk.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to comment anything good or bad. No hard feelings, anything helps! Also don't be alarmed if you see this story on other platforms, I have a Tumblr and Wattpad, just trying to get my writing out there ^.^


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